Who’s busy? Aren’t we all? Are you sure you just might be the busiest though? Do you ever feel like you unknowingly entered some inane competition as to which mom is the busiest? Some women (I have been guilty of this too, don’t get me wrong) wear their busy-ness as a badge of honour.
A lovely woman I know said to me tonight: “I don’t like to talk about being busy because we’re all in the same boat.” She was not being high and mighty, just honest, truthful, sincere, and very down to earth. That statement resonated with me because I found it so damn refreshing! She is a busy mom. She had one child playing ball tonight and another who had dance, and then soccer, and then she came to finish watching the ball game.
I have been witness to other women who would have spent the entire time telling anyone who would listen how BUSY they are and how THEY DON’T HAVE ANY TIME and meanwhile they are talking about the 17 other things they have committed themselves to and how they are simply exhausted. I don’t doubt that they are but I also don’t doubt that they have made choices that took them to this place.
Our society loves a busy mom. Ooo, look at her she’s so busy yet she found the time to carefully handcraft that bird feeder out of twine and bits of recycled dog hair and you know, she only feeds the birds seed that is not only gluten free, it’s organic!
Unless you happen to have done those things, then I applaud you and have some dog hair you can use, right underneath the couch, have at it. You’re welcome.
Then there is the shame of not being able to DO. IT. ALL. I have a big confession to make…for about three months I had someone come in and, gulp, clean for me. It still embarrasses me a little. Why? Well because somewhere along the way I picked up the notion that I should be able to manage working full time, be a mom, and just manage life in general with a spotless house. I have friends who do manage that. I am not one of those people and become beyond bitchy and irrational when our house gets really out of control after a weekend of hockey or life or whatever and feel like a giant loser and God forbid anyone drop in and see that we do not live in a show home! ( I should probably talk to someone about this, I’m aware.).
So for a little while Rose came every two weeks. (It was hardest to admit to my mom, who was nothing but supportive!) I no longer had to worry about scrubbing a bathtub or washing the floors unless something untoward took place in between her visits! Then? Rose quit…she moved, and I didn’t make the cut. So this past Sunday, I spent about 4-5 hours cleaning and we went to my in-laws for a barbecue, thank God, because I was in no way going to get anything decent made for supper at that point.
So what I’m trying to say is, we’re all busy and none of us is perfect and I’m betting that the co-worker, friend, relative, or stranger that you are certain is perfect? Thinks the same of you (unless you’re a real hot mess like me and don’t have the energy to pretend you’re anything but). So whether you’re a whiz in the kitchen or with a glue gun but occasionally flip your child off behind his back (or to his face…not that I’ve ever done that (at least not before they’re 12; I have some standards), or you are goddamned Mary Poppins but couldn’t make toast if you’re life depended on it, or you are somewhere in the middle and doing your half assed best to keep everyone alive and the house from being condemned?
You are doing a good job. You are busy. You are tired. You deserve a break already and if the mood strikes you, get someone in to clean. Decide it’s okay that the kids eat Kraft Dinner sometimes and maybe see less of our friends, The Vegetables, than is maybe nutritionally sound. Own it. Own this life and be proud of it! Own your mess, own your imperfections, and own the beauty that is likely flitting right before your eyes while you stress over making home made organic gluten free scones for your child’s pre-K class. Buy a box of Rice Krispie squares, take a long bath with your favourite book, and call it a day.
You are doing just fine.
**not hating on the gluten free. I know some people have Celiac Disease and it’s real bitch but I also feel like there is a big old bandwagon that too many people have jumped upon with their rice flour and are ruining it for those who actually cannot tolerate gluten without severe effects.