Who else out there is their own worst enemy?
If you’re female, and I only say this because I am a women and don’t pretend to understand how the male brain works at the best of times, I am guessing there is no one tougher on you than you. No one else who gets in the way of your own happiness or self acceptance as much as you do.
If you are not one of those women, good on you! I am trying to join your ranks…
This brings me to why I’m here today. Whenever I’m asked what my dream job is I always answer with “Writer”. Although to be honest I actually say: “To be paid to write”. A girl’s gotta eat! Yet here I am with this lovely forum where I can write every day, as many times a day as I want, and time and time again and find myself falling away from it and I’m not sure why.
When I first began blogging, about seven or so years ago, I LOVED it. I may have loved it for some of the wrong reasons though. It served a couple of purposes for me: 1. It felt like I was taking some control back of my life. I was very very unhappy to say the least, with my workplace at the time and felt like I didn’t have any other options. So because I honestly believe if you don’t like something you should try to change it, starting that blog felt like an action step. 2. I loved it and it was a great outlet and huge source of stress relief that eventually got me into trouble. That being said I did get a lot of positive feedback about the blog and that made it all the more fun!
I did blog for awhile after the ‘trouble’ I spoke of earlier but then it lost it’s charm all together and I no longer had my main source of inspiration and for whatever reason, always wrote better when angry, and I wasn’t angry all of the time anymore so what was a girl to do?
The ‘funny’ part about all of this is I have always jokingly (sort of) lamented how my mom is this great artist with a beautiful voice and my brothers are both these creative amazingly talented people and yet none of them have been given or taken the opportunity to fully utilize or make the most of these talents. This is not meant in a derogatory fashion. It’s hard to make a go of it as an artist. If you’re a bossy control freak like me with a good memory and relatively good head on your shoulders, you can get a decent job – not one borne of or requiring creativity but a good job.
I have said I got nothing from my mother aside from poor vision (and the cackle).
It’s not true though. My creativity is in the form of words. I love them. I love creating something funny, moving, or at the very least interesting with them. So while I am tone deaf and cannot play an instrument like I’m at one with it, nor can I create beautiful meals or amazing designs, I can write.
To write I need to get out of my own way and decide that I am not only inspired by anger. I need to know that I am not a one trick pony. I have more to offer than rants (they may just be my greatest work though). I am choosing to believe and acknowledge out loud that I am, indeed, a good writer.
So in the spirit of making the most of what my momma gave me, write I will.
Please to enjoy.