I don’t think sunlight actually kills vampires. I think they just wisely choose to avoid it – although it we are sticking to true vampire lore, they don’t have a reflection so don’t actually have to face the true horror of looking at one’s own face in a mirror in the mid-morning light.
I, however, did not escape such fate.
After I cleaned our en suite this morning I made the mistake of looking at myself in the mirror, after cleaning it, and then spent roughly the next 10 minutes on hair removal. Eyebrows, upper lip, and goddamn it, my freaking CHIN.
When did this happen? I knew it was a possibility and I knew I was getting closer and closer to the fateful day this would happen and if I’m being honest, I have previously plucked one chin hair.
There were FOUR.
So just to set the stage, I had already spent a considerable amount of time on hands and knees cleaning the bathroom; so scrubbing the tub (HATE IT), cleaning the toilet (also not a fan), and the sink and the floor and baseboards and really just feeling glamourous. Then once I was done and basking the glory of a freshly cleaned bathroom, I saw my face and re-coiled and briefly wondered if all of the hair I had removed from the floor and tub had somehow ended up on my face.
I blame the sun.
We are having the most beautiful weekend and the sun was streaming in through the window and providing the most gorgeous light – until I looked in that stupid mirror.
If you are under the age of 30, or heck even 35, go look in the mirror right now and just enjoy that, would you? Smooth skin, barely lined at all, normal sized pores, and I’m guessing, a bald chin. Just go admire that shit, soak it up for all it’s worth, because before you know it, looking in the mirror, in the brightest light of day, will have you consider everything from Botox to a burka.
The saddest part of all is I’m not even 40 yet…so in years to come I foresee either a) removing the mirror altogether, or maybe more reasonably (because I’m going to need that sucker to stay on top of the Teen Wolf look), taking the window out and only going out after dark. Luckily I think I still have some time to consider the pros and cons before I take any drastic action.
For today though, I’ll enjoy being barefaced in the sanctity of my own home – with a red upper lip from the waxing. Perhaps it was this look that prompted my cat to come downstairs while I cleaned the litter box (it’s truly been a luxurious day so far), only to sit in the one I had just cleaned and piss on the wall – not in the litter box – but on the wall directly above it.
I am clearly, truly living the dream.
No one says, hey, little girl, no matter what you want to be when you grow up someday you’ll find yourself inexplicably hairy and cleaning up the offal of not only your family (I live with all males and the toilet bowl continues to remain an elusive target to them when urinating) but of small four legged furry creatures. The best part is, you will CHOOSE all of this!
I love my husband (he cleaned the boys bathroom which in all truth is definitely the worse one!), I love my boys (most of the time…the pre-teen is pushing his limits a lot these days), and I love my pets. I wish they could all just pee in the clearly marked and designated areas and I don’t think that’s too much to ask, do you?
Now, I am going to do a little work for my next Challenge Group that starts tomorrow, fold some laundry, and then watch a movie because goddamn it, I’ve at least earned that much.