I have been told, more than once, that I have “anger issues”. I’m not even going to deny it. I’m an Aries. Fire sign. I have a solid temper, am passionate, and have an opinion about just about everything. I also have an inherent sense of right and wrong thanks to my parents.
Use your manners. Work hard. Be on time (I used to be better at this one). If you say you’re going to do something, do it. If you’re going to say something, mean it. I sometimes take that second one a little too far and if you’ve ever been with me while shopping for a greeting card of any sort you’ll know this is true.
I cannot simply purchase just any card because if I don’t actually agree with what it says, in any way whatsoever, I cannot sign my name to it and give it to someone. I don’t know why, I just can’t. Moreover, maybe I don’t want to. Maybe I am proud of being authentic AF. People generally know where they stand with me, because either my face told them, or I did. I don’t dole out praise on a whim and in the same token, I also don’t criticize for shits and giggles.
Unless I’m angry.
If I’m mad at you, I probably hate your socks, can’t stand the way you chew your gum, and will spew all manner of unreasonable slurs (to my husband who could probably put together a nice little book, if he was so inclined, of my many rants). If I’m really mad, my face gets red, and the ‘F’ word becomes my favourite noun, adjective, verb, and form of punctuation. I will throw in other colourful language as well because after all I am an educated woman, but none of it is nice.
This has gotten me in hot water more than once, as you can likely well imagine. It’s very rare I would say these things to anyone’s face. I’m an A1 ranter but as I’ve gotten older am getting better and better at reigning it in and controlling my face. My hands are another story though and this was kindly pointed out to me by my husband and a good friend this past weekend. If at any point I press my pointer finger to my thumb with the other three fingers slight raised you may want to duck and take cover.
As a little girl, I loved the Incredible Hulk. No joke. Maybe my toddler self already felt a certain kinship with the green wonder. He’s still one of my favourite characters in the Avengers movies. If only I turned green and become muscle bound instead of red faced, and depending on the level of anger, teary eyed – which just infuriates me more. I can’t effectively furious while crying, damnit.
So how do I cope with anger? Well as I previously mentioned, profanity is way up there on the list of coping mechanisms, I am trying a new tactic as well and listening to music because it always makes me feel better, and unfortunately I also want to eat. Anything and everything. Basically unless feeling very happy or quite ill, my answer to every emotion is food and something I’m working on trying to remedy. Today I did well and didn’t get the cookies I really wanted to or leave and go get some sort of decadent holiday themed coffee. I drank my stupid ice water and listed to Cat Stevens.
Later, after the kids go to bed, I will entertain (my choice of words, likely not his) my husband with my latest evaluation of what has provoked me on this grey and dreary day. Then we will watch The Walking Dead and I’ll yell at the TV, perhaps dream a little of zombie hunting, and then wake up to try to keep the green monster at bay for another day.