Yesterday I found myself drinking through a straw and the proud owner of a lisp.

Did I get beat up? Did my Core de Force living room boxing/martial arts training fail me on the mean streets of Moose Jaw?! No. I just went to the dentist.

I brush and floss regularly. My husband never flosses. We both had check ups recently. Guess who had a cavity and who didn’t? $%#&! It’s bullshit. I have one filling that was “washed out” and so had to be replaced and then a small cavity on the other side. So I had work done on the upper right side of my mouth and the lower left side. What kind of again, bullshit, is this? I left there with one side of my face literally frozen up to my eyeball and the other side significantly numb as well, including that half of my tongue. I immediately face timed my husband so I could stheduthe him with my sthexy sthpeaking voithe. My youngest son was home with him as he was sick today and the three of us couldn’t stop laughing at the way I was speaking. I’m sure my husband has never been more turned on.

Also can we just take a minute to talk about how vulnerable being at the dentist makes a person feel? You cannot speak. You can grunt and you can attempt to swallow your own spit without disrupting anything. You can try and find the least awkward place to look and appreciate there is a stuffed frog peeking over the top of the cupboards and think about how that is nice for the kids (and maybe some of the adults too (like me)). You can focus on breathing and relaxing your body. You can start getting annoyed. I think some of you have likely caught on that when facing discomfort, be it physical or emotional, my first response is generally irritation/anger. I had a very nice dental therapist but she stopped a couple of times to make weekend plans and then again to have another quick chat (non work related) with a co-worker who was passing by.

This angered me. Don’t get me wrong, she wasn’t like the lady I had one time who rested her hands on my forehead while she visited – that really pissed me off – but if you have my mouth cranked open and I’m lying there at your mercy – please just keep working. I want it to be done. You can talk about ANYTHING if you keep working. You can say you love Donald Trump, Mariah Carey is your idol, and you think Ernest Goes to Jail was the greatest cinematic experience of all time. You can sing or even play Van Halen or Rush (both of whom I despise) – IF YOU JUST KEEP DOING WHAT YOU’RE DOING. Drill it, polish, scrape, do whatever it is you are doing and don’t stop until you’re done.  This may also have something to do with my general lack of patience with life in general…

I do NOT want to offend any of the amazing dental therapist, hygienists, assistants, and so on out there! This woman did a good job and made sure I was thoroughly frozen and I am truly grateful for that! I just need you to focus…I could not do your job and I know by now you’ve probably literally given 1000s of fillings and it’s very routine for you but for the person in the chair? Well personally I’d almost rather have a Pap smear. I can still talk if need be (although does anyone ever really talk during that biz? I think everyone likes to  pretend it’s not happening and for some reason silence makes that easier…), it’s faster, and I’ve yet to have a doctor stop half way through to make small talk with me or anyone else! I’m not volunteering though because it’s still no picnic.

When all is said and done though, I received good care, my teeth are fixed, and I entertained myself, friends, and family alike with my speech after so all in all, not a bad venture!


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