I am reading a book that is essentially a teaching tool on how not to give so many f*cks. I generally go around handing them out like it’s some sort of contest – like who can give the most f*cks?! Me, I can, I can! It’s been a problem for as long as I can remember.
I recently found myself giving too many for someone who doesn’t give any at all and wondered what the hell I was doing as I shook with a little touch of the rage and my heart raced. I have a temper and it’s annoying because it doesn’t take much to set me off.
It’s another bad habit to break in and of itself; anger. I feel supercharged when angry and think quicker, more critically, and am mean(er). The barbs roll off my tongue fast and furious, my face gets flushed, and I am glorious with indignant rage. I’m a bad ‘do away from Trump defending his inauguration turn out. It’s embarrassing.
To put a positive spin on it, you could say I’m passionate and I am. I am passionate about what I think is right and what I think is wrong and about my opinions in regards to all of that. I dare anyone to challenge me – especially when it comes to things like racism, homophobia, poverty, and sexism. It’s gotten me in trouble because my mouth takes on a life of it’s own and I’ve almost ruined a soiree or two when I simply decided I needed to speak up. In fact, once during a Christmas party where we were being transported by limo, one of the other guests started espousing his views on the ‘horrors’ of biracial marriage. It was at that time, before I even mustered up a reply, that my 6’4″ 250 lb+ husband got up and sat between myself and this man. This both entertained me and surprised me and you could even say I was a little flattered.
The idiot who said this is maybe 5 ‘6″ and 150 lbs and the fact that Ryan thought he needed to protect him from an attack from yours truly was flattering. Also I was pleased that my husband knows me well enough to know that sort of comment is sure to spark the rage, and finally, I was surprised and maybe even a little chastised that he thought I would need to be held back. I had no intention of fighting the little piece of shit. I’ve never actually been in a fight and have no intention on doing so and am also way too old for that shit! Also why would I expend that much energy on an obviously ignorant waste of life such as him?
I am three-quarters through my book and may need to re-read it and while it’s a little tongue in cheek the author makes a lot of good points. It’s our giving away of all the f*cks that allows us to distract ourselves from the real issues at hand. It saves us from actually problem solving. It feeds any and all narcissistic tendencies that may be running afoot.
So in the aim of becoming a truly better and enlightened person I am going to start becoming a little more discretionary and budget focused with my f#cks. I can’t be giving them away all willy nilly like some damn fool anymore now can I? I shall from here on forth be reserving my f*cks for only the most important and meaningful of issues, tasks, and people. These include but are not limited to: family, friends, fitness, my hair, music, Charlie Hunnam, vodka, a decent cinnamon bun or soft pretzel, and obviously, world peace. If you see me out and about and I look to be at risk of giving away a f*ck that doesn’t deserve to be given? Please intervene. I promise I’ll only say ruthless things in the heat of the moment, then feel remorse and apologize with a cinnamon bun, vodka, or a fun pic collage of Charlie Hunnam. We’re in this together and if you’ve got my back, I’ve definitely got yours.
And for that?
I will gladly give a f%ck.